What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
