I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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