You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
