I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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