dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
