if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
