there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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