I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
