You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well I just put wine in my tea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
