And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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