White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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