I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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