We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
