i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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