i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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