last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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