is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
