I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize