It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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