Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
