I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
