i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
