Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
