Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
