Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
