What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
