He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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