I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
