I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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