My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize