I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
