Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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