so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
