If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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