; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
