Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
