yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
