I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
