why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
