sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
