Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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