Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
