I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
