You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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