Got a toothbrush?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
