i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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