Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
