I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
