I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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