The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
