Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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