I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
