you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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