farters have to be the big spoon...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
