Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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