Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize