God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You dont lie about slip and slides
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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