He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
