Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
