Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
