i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize