I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize