Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
