I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
