I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Duck Duck Cougar?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
