Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Two words: blizzard sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
