I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
